Stacey Seaside

I have been contemplating gratitude these days.

Appreciation.

Thankfulness.

But having acts of kindness readily available could also create the notion of Entitlement.

I have noticed that there are many more people in our lives who set expectations for what they believe we should give them.

What they deserve to have from us.

What we are supposed to do for them.

Time.

Energy.

Attention.

Tasks.

Dialogue.

Connections.

We givers give out of love,

out of concern,

out of compassion,

out of respect

Lately, it seems, the very important people (VIPs) in our lives,

believe we should be giving to them without filters, without questions.

Our children are selective in what they want from us:

physical labor, yes;

babysitting services for their children, yes;

advice, absolutely not, because they already know everything.

Our friends want

our advice,

our companionship,

our support

but sometimes we are not always ready

to offer opinions that may not be popular or be mistaken in their intent.

Professional colleagues usually ask us to do the work they are not willing nor able to do themselves. They want us to make a call, draft a report, use our contacts, etc.

But how many times is gratitude returned following the ask?

From any of the above VIPs in our lives?

One of my dear friends,

who is very good at being both thankful and grateful,

offered me a gratitude journal

after I had admired hers.

I have been using it very specifically on the days when I have felt

abused,

used or generally unappreciated by my VIPs.

It is a good way to distract me from both my anger and my sadness at being overlooked, abused or unappreciated.

It has helped me make their hurtful behavior toward me —not be quite so painful.

Because although I acknowledge their ungratefulness in not nice behaviors to me, I have the opportunity to find something good anyway.

I can’t change them anymore than I can stop the wind.

But I can change me–adjusting the sails on my vessel to be pushed forward and not sunk at sea.

Can thankfulness and being grateful be taught?

These qualities are not just innate traits but can be developed and nurtured through practice and intentional actions.

We givers don’t give because we expect a thank you.

But it is painful to see that our act of giving,

that we are not required to do,

is an expectation,

a duty our VIPs place upon us.

Without appreciation, without thankfulness, without gratitude, without respect or acknowledgement.

How have you helped someone lately?

Was your effort appreciated or taken for granted?

How can we re-educate our fellow humans to more appreciative?