Stacey Seaside

With another Valentines celebration just the other side of the week, I want to talk about my love hate relationship.

Who is the object of such strong, passionate language?

Not a who.

A what.

Can you guess?

I had an actual shouting match with my partner a few days back because he called me.

But I didn’t pick up.

It took me 40 minutes to call him back.

Why?

I have chickens on my five-acre property.

When I head to the chicken run, conveniently located behind my house, I do not, I repeat-do not take my phone with me. 

I go there to do often messy, wet work with no pockets on my clothing, tending to my feathered girls.

The phone stays upstairs on my desk while I feed, water, collect the eggs and have a heart to heart with “the girls,” about all the day’s troubles. Sometimes it is all of 5 minutes in and out–other days it can take up to an hour as I move feed bags around, freshen nests, do a hard cleaning of their water troughs, etc.

When I came back upstairs into the house, I saw 3 missed calls. I was sure he had had a heart attack.

“Hey, I just saw your calls, what’s going on?” I said with trepidation as he picked up.

“Where have you been-I called you 3 times-I thought something happened to you,” he said. I could hear both fear and anger thanks to the volume of his voice thundering through the earpiece.

“Sorry, I was feeding the chickens. I never take my phone there.”

There was a moment of silence and then he finally said “Well, you should carry it with you at all times.”

Boy, he is really mad I thought. And why?

Because I didn’t take the phone with me while tending the chickens!?!?!?

He added “You take a picture of every moment, every sunset, every animal you have as they sleep, wake, eat! And you don’t have it with you when you are outside on the estate?”

I asked him what had happened that he had called 3 times in a period of 40 minutes.

An appointment had been cancelled and he wanted to let me know that his schedule had changed along with our time to meet for lunch.

No world shattering news, no life or death moment, no crisis–and yet, here we were, silently pissed off with each other because I wasn’t carrying the phone with me to the chickens.

He was mad at me because he could not reach me immediately.

I was mad at him for his expectation of me having to be always “available.”

As the days passed, I began to wonder if there was a time when we are allowed to not be responsive or not be at “the expected ready and on duty” with our smart mobile phones. Even with our dearest ones.

I have been driving or sitting in a restaurant and my phone rings. I can’t get to it at that moment because my bag is inconveniently located behind me or under the table, I have hands and mouth occupied with the business of eating, or I am operating a heavy vehicle on a public road. Most times, whoever is with me will say “Your phone, shall I get it for you?” and they seem to be alarmed that I am not more reactive as it continues to insistently ring. I thank them and calmly say, ” I will return the call as soon as I finish or soon as I can.” There is such a sense of urgency, such anxiety from them until I actually look at my phone, see who the caller was and return the call or message back.

As much as I love having a mini computer that I carry easily in my bag or off a lanyard around my neck I hate it.

Why would anyone hate such a marvelous device?

Because it means there is never any downtime.

You are always plugged in.

You are always on duty.

You are always available.

Yuck.

The device allows me to view and respond to emails, scroll Facebook and Instagram, send text messages with photos and –oh yeah–and answer and make telephone calls.

The convenience–fantastic!

How could you not love something so convenient?

But convenient for who?

And what expectations does having that mobile device carry?

I often get texts from those that use the device as if it is a body part–“I just sent you an email–have you seen it? You haven’t responded.”

I make a point these last few months to let people know that “when I am at my desk during my office hours” I will respond to their email or whatever question they have that may require a file or google search.

I hate being required to give an immediate response. I buy myself time as well as the opportunity to better process the request. It is not that I want to be rude or dismiss the importance or urgency of the sender or caller’s request.

This is about me.

I am suddenly on the spot to be responsive.

And I am sure that I will make mistakes–whether they are typos or ill-prepared responses, I don’t want to have to be on all the time.

It is exhausting and draining–and the mistakes inevitable.

Please understand–I am not dismissing answering calls or responding to texts. I just want to be the one who controls the action and not have the actions control me and dictate my schedule and my behavior.

I used to kid that “I am not a doctor so the calls I get are not life or death decisions.”

Today the life and death analogy has turned to love and hate.

I do love my phone, but oh how I hate it!!

And yes, there are plenty that still struggle with answering their phones -particularly those of a certain age–as they still are managing the technology. In fact they do not even have data on their phones. They actually just use their phones to call or text — no internet connection.

There was a period of about a decade when I travelled twice a month to Athens by ferry. From the moment I boarded until I disembarked–a 5 hour journey– the signal was usually wacky, forget online connectivity in the middle of the Aegean–so I was unavailable. It was a glorious 5 hours as I would crack the spine of a new book and plunge in or put the laptop to good use by working on a writing project without interruptions.

The invasion of this device has permeated my bedroom as well. I used to leave the phone on the desk in the office charging overnight. After a middle of the night crisis 3 years ago, I began charging the damnable thing on my bedside table. Since then, there have been calls at 1 am and 5 am that could not be ignored or left unanswered.

And although thankful that I was able to respond swiftly I still resent this 7-inch monster that seems to have invaded my life and everybody else’s.

Nonetheless, you will still see me sending plenty of messages on Valentines and Galentines to share my love –on a device I love to hate!

Now that the device is in our lives, there is no getting rid of it.

Because for all the complaints it is very, very useful.

How do you deal with the expectation of being tethered to your smartphone?

And if you have managed to break free or set some boundaries, do share with the rest us frustrated by love and hate!!